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A Dad and his son
One night a father sent his kid to bed. Five minutes later the boy screamed, ''Dad! Can you get me a glass of water!?!''''No. You had your chance.'' A minute later the boy screamed ''Dad!! Can you get me a glass of water?'' ''No. You had your chance. Next time you ask I'll come up there and spank you.''
''Dad! When you come up to spank me can you bring me a glass or water?''
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What can you do with two penguins ?
A man drives to a gas station and has his tank filled up. The gas pumper spots two penguins sitting in the back seat of the car.He asks the driver, ''What's up with the penguins in the back seat?''The man in the car says ''I found them. I asked myself what to do with them, but I haven't had a clue.''The clerk ponders a bit then says, ''You should take them to the zoo.''
''Hey, that's a good idea,'' says the man in the car and drives away.
The next day the man with the car is back at the same gas station. The clerk sees the penguins are still in the back seat of the car.
''Hey, they're still here! I thought you were going to take them to the zoo.''
''Oh, I did,'' says the driver, ''And we had a swell time. Today I am taking them to the beach."
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?
A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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Physiological Problem
A woman goes to a psychiatrist and says, ''Doctor, you've got to do something about my husband -- he thinks he's a refrigerator!''''I wouldn't worry too much about it,'' the doctor replies. 'Lots of people have harmless delusions. It will pass.''''But you don't understand,'' the woman insists. ''He sleeps with his mouth open, and the little light keeps me awake.'' |
Report Card
"Dad, can you write in the dark?"
"I think so. What is it you want me to write?"
"Your name on this report card."
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The Punishment
A little girl came home from school and said to her mother, "Mommy, today in school I was punished for something that I didn't do."
The mother exclaimed, "But that's terrible! I'm going to have a talk with your teacher about this ... by the way, what was it that you didn't do?"
The little girl replied, "My homework."
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First Day at School
The child comes home from his first day at school.
Mother asks, "What did you learn today?"
The kid replies, "Not enough. I have to go back tomorrow."
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Maths and Real Life
The teacher came up with a good problem. "Suppose," she asked the second-graders, "there were a dozen sheep and six of them jumped over a fence. How many would be left?"
"None," answered little Norman.
"None? Norman, you don't know your arithmetic."
"Teacher, you don't know your sheep. When one goes, they all go!"
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Rabbits
Teacher: If I give you two rabbits and two rabbits and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?
Paddy: Seven!
Teacher: No, listen carefully again. If I give you two rabbits and two rabbits and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?
Paddy: Seven!
Teacher: Let's try this another way. If I give you two apples and two apples and another two apples, how many apples have you got?
Paddy: Six.
Teacher: Good. Now if I give you two rabbits and two rabbits and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?
Paddy: Seven!
Teacher: How on earth do you work out that three lots of two rabbits is seven?
Paddy: I've already got one rabbit at home now!
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History
Billy and Willy were at Sunday school studying about Noah's ark. On the way home, Willy asked, "Do you think Noah did much fishing?"
"How could he?" said Billy. "He only had two worms".
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A Lucky Escape
"Isn't the principal a dummy!" said a boy to a girl.
"Say, do you know who I am?" asked the girl.
"No."
"I'm the principal's daughter."
"And do you know who I am?" asked the boy.
"No," she replied.
"Thank goodness!"
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